There's more to Batman than a chin

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES
(directed by Christopher Nolan, 2012)

“The Dark Knight Rises” represents a ton of money thrown at the screen, a bit of thought thrown at the writing, and a Batman fan’s willingness to forgive. As a climax to possibly the most respected superhero franchise of all time, it only mildly satisfies. But boy, as a climax, it sure keeps going, even if this Batman movie has relatively little Batman. I remember Woody Allen’s line about orgasms – “My worst one was right on the money.”

Is it even fair to judge a movie based on its own hype? Director Christopher Nolan sure did himself no favors with his predecessor “The Dark Knight,” which dressed up a bunch of simple psychobabble about good and evil as handsomely as you’re likely to find in a summer popcorn flick.

Let’s step in a vacuum, then, shove memories of Nolan’s previous Batman movies aside, and judge the movie for what it is. Which shall be unfortunate. For this trip around, his ambition gets the better of him. Inconsistent pacing and too much damn plot mars the first half of the movie, until it has no choice but to blaze through the last half. I can’t recall a 2:45 minute movie that feels rushed, but could also use a trim of at least 30 minutes.

Nolan’s screenplay, with brother Jonathan, proves that as plate spinners, they’d never exactly make it on Ed Sullivan. After a sensational opening sequence involving our new villain Bane (an impressively cube-y Tom Hardy) escaping from a plane mid-flight, we settle in for a long series of events you should probably just look up on Wikipedia. This review would have to copy most of the plot points from it anyway.

Christian Bale’s Bruce Wayne moans in his mansion before he decides to stop doing that, meets Catwoman (a spunky Anne Hathaway) and stops moaning for a bit, then finds himself brutally beaten by Bane and sent to a mysterious hole-in-the-ground prison across the world (which will be a real bitch to fill in if Wal-Mart ever decides to expand), where he moans for a while longer until Hans Zimmer’s adaption of “Push It To The Limit” plays in his head and he escapes to save Gotham.

Meanwhile, Bane enslaves Gotham in a fascist regime, all bridges to the outside world cut off and its citizens left to suffer under his rule. I guess his goal is to equalize the ruling classes with the peasants. Of course he also plans to destroy the city in a nuclear blast, which kinda renders his entire operation moot. But nevermind.

Lest you think I’m having fun blasting the movie, leaning back in my leather chair, snarky comments dispensed and a day well spent, “The Dark Knight Rises” has too much going for it to simply cast it aside. Ambition possibly did the movie in, but in the world of summer action flicks, ambition DOES count for something.

 In a time when movies are either seen on computer screens or cramped multiplex bunkers, Nolan paints on the entire canvas. When was the last time you saw a comic book movie create a world that’s so utterly its own? Even in the first half of the movie, where I admit I don’t have much clue who is doing what to whom at what times, Nolan envelopes us in a brooding shroud that at least makes it sensational to look at. None of this is much fun. But it carries a genuine weight.

In the end, most of the praise heaped on the movie will reference concept, not execution. While Nolan’s previous Batmans delivered complex plots that still felt relatively streamlined, this one’s a jumble. But even if Santa Claus’ sleigh couldn’t quite stick the landing, he’s still a jolly man who gives presents to people. And in the world of summer and superheroes, eh, lets take it.