I didn't think it was misogynistic until you told me it was. I didn't think it was offensive until you told me it was. It was a comedian doing comedy. As far as I was concerned, the conversation needn't proceed farther than, "Did he make me laugh or not?".
Should I feel bad that such thoughts never occurred to me? Short answer yes with an if, long answer no...with a but.
Even as I write this, I know what my thesis for this post is. I know what I'm trying to say. If it seems as if I'm rambling and having trouble finding my point, though, it's because I am. I'm confused and torn, but believe me, I'm trying to understand where the other side is coming from.
Eh. That'll do for the point right there: Often, if not always, it's best to shut the fuck up and listen.
Do I think MacFarlane is a misogynist? No. I'd even teeter into the territory of "absolutely not." In his hands were concepts that might have birthed satirical fruit, but he never took it beyond the initial phase of shock humor (watch the masterful stand-up of Louis CK to learn how a straight white male can use the words "faggot," "cunt," and "nigger" and get away with it). But none of it struck me as overtly sexist. Comedy is a sacred ring where anything goes. I sing among the Greek chorus that in comedy, if you find it offensive, you suck it up and move on.
My views on comedy haven't changed. Anything can still be funny if you find the right target and use the right spin. Many women found MacFarlane's antics misogynistic, and I didn't get it.
Now cue the world's most obvious lightning bolt. Not only did I not get it, I absolutely can't get it.
Contrary to high school taunts, I am a male. I'll never feel sexism the same way a woman will because I've never experienced it. I'll never notice sexism in society the same way because it doesn't stand out to me. I've never had to walk on certain sides of the street or worry about the message my clothes might send or lie about dating someone to leeches trying to pick me up.
These are things I don't understand, but that sure as shit doesn't give me the right to dismiss them.
I'm neither trying to defend nor attack MacFarlane. God knows his bruises from Internet cyber punches stand on their own. I'm also not trying to explain why I'm not a sexist or walk McClane-style across broken glass to explain the views of other men. Such battles miss the point.
It's not men vs. women, misogyny vs. acceptance, us vs. them, black/white, wrong/right. It's me taking the pathetic little step I can to hold eye contact and listen. To not be a brick wall and say, "Oh, you just can't take a joke." To be a willing partner in an ongoing, evolving understanding
My job as a man isn't to be the savior of women. My job doesn't even revolve around being a man. My job is the same one we all share. If someone says they're hurting, then shut the fuck up and ask why.
Maybe Seth MacFarlane really is a misogynist. I truly don't think so, and I truly think his jokes were simple attempts at humor that missed the mark. Maybe it's indicative of how systematic misogyny is that he didn't notice and I didn't notice.
These are all questions best left to people wiser in the non-pop culture world than I. At least I can recognize the questions' validity. No doubt that on the epiphany scale, this piece ranks one step above, "Water chases the thirsties away." My apologies. But sometimes it's just easier living in the box.
Now weren't we supposed to be talking about movies?
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